My Past

Im not actually going to write all about my past, just a small part of it. My first bfs name was Chuck and we dated for 7 months. At the time I had a really bad relationship with my mom and she didnt allow me to date, so I snuck around and dated him behind her back. He was a couple of years older than me and we had no classes together so we wrote to each other in notebooks and passed them back and forth between classes. Eventually he started going to another school and so it got tough for us, but we kept up our books. My mom got fed up with us and in April of 2003 she admitted me into temporary care and it was impossible for my relationship with Chuck to continue.

After six months of living in a group home, I realized that I was changing, while he was not. He is a very loving and considerate boyfriend, but he wasnt going in the same direction as me, and there came a time when I ended the relationship formerly and never looked back.

The total amount of books we filled ranges in the 30s. When I went into care, he had all of our books. When I got out we still wrote back and forth, but it was definitely different. in 2004 sometime, we stopped writing. He had all of the books for 6 years or so, until  a few months ago I met up with him and took them so that I could type them up and have an electronic record for myself. I think that they tell a good story, not just for the content, but for the progression and changes in my personality from start to finish. The fact that its true makes it more interesting. When I first started reading over them, I was so embarrassed about how I sounded, the things that I wrote and the way I wrote them. But as I got to the end of the set, I was reading words that seem much more like me, that I found myself being fond of and proud to have written. This is something that I want to share, and I think that young people out there, especially girls, will find in my books a reflection of themselves, of the darkest most intimate parts of their personality, and see that they are not alone.